Parenting: Never Risk-free

Each Day of Your Life is Precious

Lately, I've shut off the news—it’s usually depressing and frustrating. And if you’re chasing or carting your little ones from place to place, who has time to sit and watch violence, erratic world markets and bratty starlet meltdowns? And who wants to? When we travel, happy music fills our vehicle, not breaking news from CNN.

I broke my fast from news to follow a tragic story about a dad and his kids who drowned off the coast of Florida while sailing along the coast. Usually I blog about happy things and silver linings. But I am taking a few moments here to remind you that life is fragile.

This father had no idea that a routine jaunt from one Florida harbor to the next would be his last. The children didn’t know. No one knew. They expected smooth sailing.

I don’t think we truly realize how much power we have over our children. Their safety is often based on what we do (or don’t do) as parents. Even the tiniest decision can have a lasting effect on a child. I read a blog (http://nicolemcaruso.com/motherhood/bernadette-dalgetty) and when speaking of her dressed-down attire of old yoga pants and messy bun, one mom said: “I realized I have the power to embarrass my children.” The little things make a difference. I'm now more conscious of how I look when I’m in public with the kids.

I’m sure there were a million things that this father could have done to save his children. But like so many parents, myself included, he just assumed things would go without incident. I’m equally sure he will be posthumously criticized for his lack of parenting. In his defense: Parents are only human and can't foresee all dangers. Who knows when a truck will hit your minivan, a virus blaze through your family, a tornado tear up your neighborhood, floods, fires or any manner of disaster? Devastation doesn’t wait for parents to be fully prepared.

All parents should love and respect their roles as mommies and daddies—you are so critical to a child's life. Your safety, health and happiness are directly related to theirs. By the same token, you want your child to take risks, leave the nest and not be afraid of their own shadow. To be cautious and be encouraging is delicate balance for parents. But you can do it.

Hug your babies every day. Kiss them and tell them they are so precious, whether it be calm seas or stormy weather.

You Never Know . . . Hug More This Christmas.

Dear Mommies,

Last week a woman passed away at my workplace.

They found her in the ladies’ room. Although her co-workers called EMT immediately, it was too late.

She was dead about 20 minutes after getting in the office door. She wasn’t old or sickly.

I’ll admit, it feels kind of odd to be in the same ladies room stall as she was in her final moments. To know that her last breaths on earth were taken in her place of work. 

I don't think anyone wants to die where they work—unless it’s your business. Even then, we want to be surrounded by those who love us and by those who want to help us die peacefully.

I hate to be morbid, this blog is about encouraging you in your mommyhood journey. But I wanted to tell you that no matter what happens this holiday season—life is too short to stress or feel negative or overwhelmed.

So, promise yourself you’ll shop less and hug more. You’ll bake less and smile more. You’ll tell someone that you love them even when they aren’t acting very lovable. 

Please know in your heart of hearts, your babies would rather you around for them than hand-crafted gifts, cookies or toys.

Relax Mommies, you've got this!

One Great Mommy

Dear Mommies,

I want to reflect on the life of my sister-in-law. We buried her recently—her body, not her spirit. She battled cancer for 22 years. Almost as soon as she graduated from college, she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. But it didn’t stop her.

She worked; managing an office. She married her college sweetheart. She adopted two boys. She became involved in school and her neighborhood. She vacationed with her parents nearly every summer at the family shore house. She travelled and celebrated life. Her home was beautiful and welcoming—much like herself.

She endured round after round of chemo. She lost and regrew her hair at least 5 times, that I can recall. She lost the possibility of ever becoming pregnant. Because of the medications she took, her body was plunged into menopause at age 30. She endured hot flashes and night sweats. She had issues with a poorly designed implant, infections in sinuses and teeth and an IV port that nearly caused congestive heart failure. She had tumors in her liver, bone and brain. One year, she spent more time in medical centers and hospitals than she spent at home.

She toughed it out. 

Put cancer on the back burner of her mind. She hosted Thanksgiving dinner and holiday parties with and without hair. And each time it grew back, she became more beautiful. She attended school plays, sporting events and recitals. She attended the weddings and graduations of her nieces, nephews and her one son. She was given the blessings of her delightful, albeit mischievous boys, who kept her on her toes. A husband who was able to manage the demands of his job, his sons and her care. A mother and father who were at the ready to drive her to chemo or just hold her hand from the vomiting to the blistering heartburn. A sister who always managed a sunny, but practical attitude--in life, love and food. Friends and neighbors that always dropped in to find out who needed what—a ride to lacrosse practice, a dozen cupcakes, a snow shovel, a stamp for a letter, a shoulder to cry on.

We didn’t lose her spirit. As her 9-year-old son told his aunt: “I’m sorry you are sad. But my mommy is with me.”