Toddlers as Teachers

Oh, those little stinkers!

We've always had those moments when we've been embarrassed (read: humiliated) by someone under the age of 5. And no one knows how to do it better than someone you love.

Those sweet little munchkins can really push our buttons. But these are teachable moments, for us and them.

Toddlers cannot be rushed. They often need to pick up every single pine cone, shell and/or bug on the ground, beach or floor. You should have been home 15 minutes ago, but you're still on your walk. Trying to hurry the process, you'll often receive very loud squawks of: "No! I don't want to go home!"

Toddlers are super sensitive to pain (when it suits them). Ever try to pluck a child out of harm's way or keep them on the right path and hear: "Ouch you're hurting me!"? You look around and of course everyone has heard it.

Toddlers love you in secret. Ever gotten rebuffed when attempting a public display of affection? "Ew, don't kiss me mommy your breath smells funny!" But when you're home, they won't let go of your leg, arm, or neck.

For these moments, a sigh, roll of the eyes and calm quiet re-direction can diffuse the rising frustration.
Yes, rushing a toddler is like trying to push a cloud--so enjoy the moments of pine cone collection, you will miss those days. The psuedo-pain vocalization is a well-timed trick to see how you respond. One therapist admitted that she's more worried about the kids who never say anything about their parents hurting them. They often hide their true bruises.

Lastly, treasure those secret embraces and moments of private affection. They're only for you and they are the little gifts that you will be blessed with for only a short while.


Relax, mommies, You've got this.

No bad thing lasts forever

                                                            Feeling alone?

                                                               

Dear Mommies,

Are you having a tough time? Feeling really alone? Are you experiencing a serious life crisis?

Maybe it’s a combination of many issues--money is super tight, the kids are really sick and you’re facing a health crisis. Overwhelmed, life may seem bleak for you now.

I promise you, no bad thing lasts forever.

Okay, so you might dismiss that out-of-hand. Sure cancer doesn’t last forever, you die. Divorce doesn’t get a do-over, you can’t un-split. Life with an autistic child is filled with many scary moments.

As women, we have a tendency to want to fix things--make things better. When they don’t get better, we beat ourselves up, think that we have failed.

Believe me when I tell you:

·         It’s not your fault that your best friend (or you) developed breast cancer.

·         If your spouse cheated on you, there was no gun to their head to make that choice.

·         You did not cause your child’s autism.

·         The pain will not last forever.

Part of our “job” as Mommies is to help our little guys and gals move forward, get better, grow up. But growing up doesn’t end when they graduate from high school. Adults have more growing up to do too. We need to let go—of pain, fear, anger and move forward. Life’s trials, as awful as they are, help us progress towards maturity and peace.

Do you want to be happy and enjoy your life? Then choose what you want to fight for. Your child is worth fighting for, your friend is worth fighting for. And you are definitely worth fighting for.

Relax Mommies, you’ve got this.

You Never Know . . . Hug More This Christmas.

Dear Mommies,

Last week a woman passed away at my workplace.

They found her in the ladies’ room. Although her co-workers called EMT immediately, it was too late.

She was dead about 20 minutes after getting in the office door. She wasn’t old or sickly.

I’ll admit, it feels kind of odd to be in the same ladies room stall as she was in her final moments. To know that her last breaths on earth were taken in her place of work. 

I don't think anyone wants to die where they work—unless it’s your business. Even then, we want to be surrounded by those who love us and by those who want to help us die peacefully.

I hate to be morbid, this blog is about encouraging you in your mommyhood journey. But I wanted to tell you that no matter what happens this holiday season—life is too short to stress or feel negative or overwhelmed.

So, promise yourself you’ll shop less and hug more. You’ll bake less and smile more. You’ll tell someone that you love them even when they aren’t acting very lovable. 

Please know in your heart of hearts, your babies would rather you around for them than hand-crafted gifts, cookies or toys.

Relax Mommies, you've got this!

Peace & Quiet

Dear Mommies,

The one thing you need this Christmas, you won’t get.

Sleep.

Oh, I know you’ll try, but I have a feeling that like me, you’ll have a ton of last minute things to do and gifts to wrap and cookies to box, and so on…And sleep will be put on the back burner. You’ll promise yourself that you’ll catch up on sleep after the holidays. You promise yourself lots of naps on the snowy days to come. And you promise you’ll finally feel refreshed when you wake up.

Right.

The problem with that plan is that the holidays merge into the new year. Like a race car. And the craziness doesn’t end. You’ll still have the day to day busy-ness of kids and house and heaven help us, the pets.

My advice (and I promise to take it myself), is to go to bed early. As much as you can. Wake up early if you still have lots to do. But it’s better to go to bed early, than to wake up late. You can’t catch up on sleep by sleeping later in the morning. And it’s impossible to do with toddlers. Because of our bodies’ sleep-wake cycles and hormones we can’t get any of those hours back. The late night feedings, colic and/or fevers that keep our babies restless, take away any sort of rest we may try to bank in our sleep savings account. Add in stress, and it’s an instant recipe for sleep deprivation.

The reason I’m pushing for sleep is that it the lack of it ruins your day, makes you irritable, foggy and forgetful. It should be a vitamin that we can just swallow with water. Like time—we really can’t get any of it back.

So this Christmas, give yourself the gift of sleep. Early to bed—that means before 10:00pm!

Relax mommies, you’ve (yawn) got this!

Shark Week & Goldfish

Dear Mommies,

Forget about Shark Week, let's concentrate on snacks.
Toddlers typically eat three meals and a snack. When they don't, or if they refuse, there can be some parental panic.

No worries: As long as they're thriving, picky eaters are simply testing the waters of food likes and dislikes.

Small finger foods, like goldfish-shaped snacks are often a life saver when it comes to your hungry little predator. They also munch on Cheerios, chopped fruit and pasta noodles.

If you think your baby is underweight, make sure you check with your pediatrician--weight is not always an indicator of poor health. BMI or body mass index, is a better benchmark. And it's probably better to have a slender child, than one that tends towards plumpness (see Toddler weight).

What's your toddler's favorite finger food?

Relax Mommies, you've got this!

Summer Reads

Dear Mommies,

Thinking of you all as I plug my novel: Find Me a Woman.

You, mommies, are the inspiration for my character, Kate as she goes through the trials of loving a toddler. Like you, she’s made a lot of sacrifices and put herself last. 

But like her, you too deserve a little romance in your life.

Put your babies down for a nap, put your feet up and put my novel in your hands. (download at Amazon link: Find Me a Woman)

Relax mommies, you’ve got this!

new year, new view

By now, you've heard the numerous resolutions made by family and friends (maybe you've made a few): lose weight, get fit, improve health and make a fresh start. In general, be a better person.

Here's one for you this year: Make this the year you take a whole new view--of you.

As women and mommies, we often look at ourselves through a very narrow prism. We see our mistakes and failings more plainly than our own reflections. Sure, it's easy to see the spots, imperfections and flaws. We've been trained as mommies to have that critical eye to discern what's wrong or out of place. Don't get me wrong, striving for perfection is a good thing. Beating ourselves up because we didn't have the right diaper bag or matching socks, is not.

Expand your view of yourself this year with a gentle eye. Forgive yourself. Become your biggest cheerleader, not your worst critic. Extract what lessons you can from the mistakes and move on. Honestly no one in Target will remember the mommy who lost the sippy cup. Your embarrasment, like a dirty diaper, is uncomfotable but temporary.

Relax Mommies, you've got this.

p.s. and if you did lose that sippy cup, try this replacement: Munchkin Click-Count Sippy Cup (it comes in a 2-pak)