Why my kid?

 They wouldn't let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games!

  Aw, who needs 'em anyway...

There will be a time as a mom when you'll see your child getting the short end of the stick.


There are many children who excel in academics, sports, the arts--you name it. But there are just as many who don't. Chances are, your child may be one of the ones not picked for basketball. Your child may be bullied for being bad at sports, mocked for having a lisp, called stupid for failing math; left out of the reindeer games.

It won't feel so good. You'll have to stand by and watch your child not do well in things. It may range from the silly--being laughed at for not coloring in the lines or the serious--being diagnosed with autism.

You may be tempted to protect your child, to remedy the situation. But as painful as these situations are, they are life lessons. It's your chance to teach your child, she may not succeed at everything she tries. But she is still valuable and lovable. Remind her every day how special and irreplaceable she is. It never gets old to be told you're one of a kind. She doesn't need perfect A's in English to be a great kid.

If she's mocked, tell her she doesn't need to retaliate, she can ignore the bullies and move on. Some of the most painful things she may hear can come from peers or teachers or siblings.

An insult may be only temporary but it can last a lifetime. We tend to hang on to hurts. Help her deal with them now before she grows up. Without balance and forgiveness, a hurt child can grow into bitter adult.


Relax mommies, you've got this.

Yay, Fall!

 I heart Halloween…part 2

And of course, it’s time for the great pumpkin! You’ll see the pumpkins being harvested. One of my favorite veggies (a squash by birth), it really is abused. Carved, baked, processed, pureed, tossed smashed, and then after the end of the year--ignored. During Halloween, the pumpkin is called Jack o’ Lantern. The alternate name change also changes its persona. Once a fat little squash it suddenly becomes mean and nefarious. Horrible faces gleam from its surface and inside its gleam seems unworldly. I prefer an intact squash whose color is warm and bright and reminiscent of an autumn sunset.

I love the softness of Halloween. The warm, worn memories. The feast and festivals were never meant to be scary or edgy. The living commemorated the dead, they had a comfort with death. They did not run in terror of the knife-wielding, zombies who sort of resembled their loved-ones. It was a time to remember those who went before you and to remember them fondly, not of hauntings and “boos” but, laughter and a few tears. Good times.

Leave Halloween alone. Keep your gore and screams. I’ll take the leaves and the warmth and the memories of my loved ones.

Enjoy the Season

Fall is Here!

Fall is a great time of year—but it can be so tough on a mom.

The summer is over and the kids are back in school. It might be quiet(er) in the house but you’ll still be busy. There’s a ton of school events; meeting the teachers, field trips, concerts, plays and fundraisers. If you’re a home-schooling mom, you’ve got lessons and projects and planning galore.

It also reminds me that my children are getting older, they are going into the next grade and doing “bigger” things with more responsibility and less hovering from me.

Yet, it’s time for the harvest, piles of leaves, canning, hay rides and pumpkins, and the best weather ever—sweater weather. There’s fun sports for the little gals and guys— soccer, cross country running, football and hockey. And then, we’re closing in on the end of another year.

What a rush to get it “over with” --  silly retail stores have Halloween and Christmas decorations side by side. Pick one and enjoy it.

 Halloween cupcakes-taking goodies to a whole new level.

I love Halloween—the quintessential fall festivity! I love everything about it. The costumes and parties and all the activities that bring you outside to enjoy weather that doesn’t involve sunburn. I don’t mind the drama of selecting the right costume. One that’s popular, but not so popular that everyone isn’t trick or treating in the same thing. One that fits and works an keeps them covered and lasts for just a few hours. Until they get home and go into candy comas.

 Fall is so beautiful but so brief. 

Don't you wish Fall were longer? I wish we could just savor the last few days of warm summer-like afternoons and frosty-breath evenings next to a bonfire. Instead, we’re rushed past Thanksgiving with light speed and then smashed into Christmas. Why not just enjoy each season?

I beg you mommies, let this be the year you send a pumpkin to someone. And jump in a pile of leaves. 

Relax Mommies you've got this!

Headaches & Life Lessons

Is this you during your migraine?

Dear Mommies,

Ever had a headache that felt as if there was someone with a sledge hammer pounding on the inside of your skull? Or a migraine that felt like you were hit by a truck? Ever had severe headache pain?

Headaches—the serious kind--can drop us to our knees. Make us nasty, irritable, and just plain non-functional. We can become awful to everyone around us. Often we're rendered useless, crawling into bed and hoping the world will go away. 

Head pain is different than other kinds of pain. It's not like carpal tunnel or joint pain. Headaches are right where our brain is positioned and where most of our senses are located. Take those out and we’re pretty much debilitated. 

The way we handle head pain is also a predictor of how we treat life’s problems. Do we whimper and whine? Hide? Go right for the extra strength pain killer? Or just muscle through? No one way is the only way. In fact, depending on the “headache” we may do all three.

There are three things that we should do with each of life's problems:

1.    Vent. Talk through it. Make sure you don’t end up in a kvetching session or a blame game. Honestly communicate your issue to someone who isn’t involved. And seek advice.

2.    Don't become part of the problem, or make the problem worse. It seems counter intuitive to bang your head against the wall when you have the mother of all headaches, but that’s what we often do. Rushing into action can make a problem worse. Give it some time and thought before you rush in to fix it. There's nothing wrong with sleeping on it.

3.    Do. Sounds simple, but once a solution is in place, work through it. Even on your worse days you're still the mommy and there are kids and laundry and dinner. Sometimes just doing a simple task can take your mind off your headache. And help you realize, no matter how bad, no pain lasts forever.

Relax Mommies, you’ve got this!

Toddlers as Teachers

Oh, those little stinkers!

We've always had those moments when we've been embarrassed (read: humiliated) by someone under the age of 5. And no one knows how to do it better than someone you love.

Those sweet little munchkins can really push our buttons. But these are teachable moments, for us and them.

Toddlers cannot be rushed. They often need to pick up every single pine cone, shell and/or bug on the ground, beach or floor. You should have been home 15 minutes ago, but you're still on your walk. Trying to hurry the process, you'll often receive very loud squawks of: "No! I don't want to go home!"

Toddlers are super sensitive to pain (when it suits them). Ever try to pluck a child out of harm's way or keep them on the right path and hear: "Ouch you're hurting me!"? You look around and of course everyone has heard it.

Toddlers love you in secret. Ever gotten rebuffed when attempting a public display of affection? "Ew, don't kiss me mommy your breath smells funny!" But when you're home, they won't let go of your leg, arm, or neck.

For these moments, a sigh, roll of the eyes and calm quiet re-direction can diffuse the rising frustration.
Yes, rushing a toddler is like trying to push a cloud--so enjoy the moments of pine cone collection, you will miss those days. The psuedo-pain vocalization is a well-timed trick to see how you respond. One therapist admitted that she's more worried about the kids who never say anything about their parents hurting them. They often hide their true bruises.

Lastly, treasure those secret embraces and moments of private affection. They're only for you and they are the little gifts that you will be blessed with for only a short while.


Relax, mommies, You've got this.

Self-care is not selfish

                                            Fresh air and sunshine makes a mommy happy

                                           

Dear Mommies,

A tweet inspired this post.

“Self-care is not selfish.”

It’s true, but the difficulty all mommies face, is actually doing true self-care. We take care of everyone, our own needs usually come last. We are the most run down, most stressed-out member of the family. Sure, you may have taken your little guy in for his third ear infection of the year, but I’m willing to bet you’re not feeling so good yourself.

Self-care doesn’t mean that you grab the girls and head for the spa for a relaxing weekend of pampers—although that sounds wonderful! It’s not buying a new pair of shoes, an expensive bottle of wine or going platinum blond. Those are treats—which you deserve—but not the regular care that you need and must have!

Self-care is going to bed early once a week to grab an extra hour of sleep. Self-care is a daily multi-vitamin for women. Self-care is a water bottle in the car at all times, a 10-minute power walk, decent lip balm or moisturizer and mindful breathing. Self-care is saying no to that volunteer request, because you’re already doing three things on the same day. And saying no to the donuts that are offered as breakfast—where are the strawberries?

In essence, self-care is the mind-body-soul balance that mommies need to take care of themselves to take care of others. Sounds simple, but it’s tough to do. Although I promise you, one little change (like an extra hour of sleep) will make a big difference.

Relax Mommies, you’ve got this.

Embrace the Crazy

                                                          You aren't in control today.

Dear Mommies,

A long time ago, I heard a very crass comment from a man about a woman being a “slave” to her hormones. That same man became my husband and has since learned to respect both a woman AND her hormones.

It’s a tough for men—being on the outside looking in. On the surface women may appear irrational, but what's going on underneath is orchestrated chemical chaos. No woman wants to be emotionally vulnerable. We want to be in charge of our selves. It’s difficult to explain unless you go through it. Little girls can have tantrums, however, it’s socially unacceptable for a “big” girl to lose it in the supermarket because she purchased six boxes of zip-lock baggies that were supposed to be on sale. She wouldn’t have bought them if there wasn’t a coupon, okay?!

On the other end of the spectrum, women on the edge of menopause are grieving. Sure, they’re elated they no longer need to deal with pain, bloating and skin issues. But, they’re no longer fertile. Their child bearing years are over. They are no longer young. It’s rough. And it’s scary too. Hair dyes and skin toners can’t erase the inevitability of death. Menopause is a due date—not the good kind.

No matter where you are in your mommy journey, pay attention to those days when Hallmark commercials make you sob uncontrollably. Or when you have just glue-gunned yourself into amazing holiday project oblivion. Or days when you’d eat raw meat (right off your ex-best friend’s leg). When I fight those powerful urges to create or destroy, I am extremely restless and frustrated. Unfortunately, I take it out on family and innocent passers-by. Working against nature is a recipe for disaster.

Don’t make me sit and balance my checkbook when I am fuming over child abuse injustices. Don’t force me to be creative when I can only think about sleeping. Please, don’t ask me to go shopping with you, when there’s a cute little burlap bag at home that I can whip up in a second. Okay, 2 hours (darn Pinterest).

I will write when I feel the urgings to write. Or I will whirlwind through the house, fueled by a mocha latte (or two) destroying dust bunnies in my wake. I will take off from work and select the best holiday dress for you—I promise.

I have chosen to embrace the ebb and flow of these powerful chemicals, which are themselves affected by even more powerful forces— the moon, age and The Divinity.

I hope you do too.

Relax, mommies you’ve got this!